Cremated remains are a constant source of entertainment
Dr. Meredith Grey brought a Ziplock bag full of her dead mother to work the other day, and her fellow colleagues couldn’t have been more pleased.
“Thank God,” said Dr. Miranda Bailey. “I couldn’t take one more moment of that girl’s constant whining and wincing. Luckily, that bag showed up, and the hospital was simply transformed by its delightful antics.”
The seemingly drab pile of ashes were a hot-button topic throughout various departments of the hospital. Dr. Derek Shepherd was lucky enough to encounter the remains in the hallway.
“When I saw Meredith coming towards me, I was just about to turn and run in the opposite direction,” he says. “But then I noticed that she had something in her hand, which she subsequently dropped all over the floor. As I helped her pick it up, I realized how quirky and wonderful it was that Mrs. Grey was able to make it back into work, after all these years. And her sense of humor hasn’t changed a bit. Playfully throwing herself all over the ground like that – simply charming.”
“Meredith was, of course, shitting all over our special moment together, what with her talking and all that squinting,” he says bitterly. “But it’s still something I’ll never forget.”
Meredith was pleased with the reception her deceased mother received, so much so that she is considering bringing her stepmother’s embalmed corpse to work next week, despite the fact that it might considerably upset her half-sister, Lexy.
~TVoD
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 31st, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Rainclouds convey sense of depression, wetness
SEATTLE, WA – A cancer-ridden teenager decides to give up after a long fight. An on-again, off-again relationship comes to a final close (maybe). A marriage ends, leaving nothing but pain and misery. And all the while, angry, dark shadows move menacingly across the sky, finally bursting forth in a melancholy deluge. Of…tears?
Producers of the hit ABC whine-fest Grey’s Anatomy used a thunderstorm last week to illustrate the emotional states of the characters, putting to rest once and for all rumors that everything is happy and sunny at Seattle Grace Hospital.
“There’s a lot of drama going on here,” says writer Paul Riley. “And we really needed a way to convey that. After countless hours in that writer’s room, we finally came up with the perfect meteorological phenomenon to represent that all that powerful passion. It was pretty amazing.”
Riley goes on to claim that this is the first time ever in the history of television that a thunderstorm has been used to symbolize misery. “See, the dark clouds mean that people are feeling pretty grumpy,” he explains further. “And the thunder and lightning – that means that there’s a lot of anxiety and turbulence going on inside. And the rain – well, it sounds a little crazy, but when you think about it, really think about it, precipitation looks a lot like human tears. So what we did there at the very end, when George approaches Callie and she’s just standing out there in the rain – that’s just a big metaphor for her sorrow. Her ’saditude’, if you will.”
Due to the success of the thunderstorm breakthrough, writers are already planning to include more weather-related symbolism, including an earthquake to illustrate the bumpy relationship between the Grey sisters, a drought to denote McSteamy’s current sex life, and a blizzard to represent the harsh, frigid womb of Dr. Christina Yang.
~TVoD
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 24th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Marketability of lovable curmudgeons discovered on Grey’s Anatomy
LONG ISLAND, NY – A typical Saturday morning at Shady Pines Retirement Home usually consists of long naps and quiet walks in the yard, the serenity punctuated only by the occasional shout of “Bingo!” echoing from within the prison-like walls. Not so this weekend, as lines wound out the door and around the block, packed with eager Christmas shoppers hoping to get their hands on a Really Old Guy.
“I saw one on Grey’s Anatomy the other night, and immediately knew I just had to get one for my daughter!” exclaimed local homemaker Shelly Patterson. “He was so surly and crotchety, yet the laughs kept on coming! He would be a wonderful addition to any home.”
Employees at Shady Pines say that the home is normally a ghost town, but this weekend’s attendance figures have been nothing short of astounding. Over two hundred enthusiastic bargain-hunters clogged the halls, cafeteria, and even the arts and crafts room, hoping to nab a cantankerous old coot. Shoppers employed a variety of methods to secure their purchases, including the distribution of Werther’s Original Butterscotch Candies, guarantees of unlimited The Price Is Right viewings, and (false) promises of immortality.
“We’re not going to let this little treasure get away!” states area insurance agent Frank Cameron, toting away a hissing Really Old Guy in an animal crate. “He hopped in as soon as I told him all about the deluxe shuffleboard court in my backyard!” He pats the case. “Lies,” he whispers with a wink.
Eagle-eyed entrepreneurs have already begun to take advantage of this red-hot trend – online. Geriatric retail websites are popping up all over the internet, some even offering customized items. For an additional fee, your very own Really Old Guy can arrive in 48 hours or less, complete with your choice of a mobility scooter, colostomy bag, or Extra Crankiness.
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 13th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Woman shows up unannounced to examine other people’s problems
SEATTLE, WA – Jane Burke, mother of renowned cardio-thorasic surgeon Dr. Preston Burke, visited Seattle Grace Hospital last Thursday hoping to speak with Dr. Christina Yang about her fiancé’s sudden departure and the return of a priceless diamond necklace. Instead, she was ruthlessly assaulted by a barrage of Preston’s former colleagues, all of whom are reported to be emotionally unstable and badly in need of an impartial listener to analyze their woes.
“Oh, Mrs. Burke is amazing,” wept Dr. George O’Malley. “I rambled on and on about the dissolution of Burke and Christina’s engagement, but as it turns out I was just exploring the details of my own loveless marriage! She’s a godsend!”
Witnesses say Mrs. Burke tried to leave the scene several times, but each escape attempt was thwarted by yet another beleaguered surgeon popping up to lament his or her precarious love life in the guise of a conversation about her son.
“I couldn’t stop talking to her about Burke,” claims Dr. Derek Shepherd. “The intricate analysis of our friendship really brought home the fact that I can’t stop thinking about banging Meredith Grey.” He smiles and looks up at the sky. “Thank you, Mrs. Burke, wherever you are!”
Mrs. Burke can in fact be found at Joe’s Bar across the street, downing her third shot of Jim Beam. “I just wanted to read my damn People magazine in peace,” she sighs. “Those doctors are seriously fucked up.”
~TVoD
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 7th, 2007 | | 1 Comments