Friday Night Lights appearance
delights the Savior
Jesus, son of God, was pleasantly surprised by this past week’s episode of Friday Night Lights, in which His name was not only mentioned several times, but a large congregation of devout followers were seen worshiping Him in a large church.
“This is friggin’ huge,” Christ says. “It’s like I’m famous.”
The episode featured a recently-baptized Lyla Garrity opening up the heart of a skeptical Tim Riggins to Christ’s love. Jesus says he is “totally beyond ecstatic” to get this kind of exposure, and looks forward to appearances on more of His favorite programs, including 24, Mythbusters, and The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Jesus claims that a positive portrayal of Christianity is something that is the majority of American popular culture lacks.
“Usually I’m only mentioned in a passing reference, if that,” Christ says. “More often than not my name is used in vain. Occasionally people even add H as a middle initial. Where did that come from? Do people think it’s Herbert or Humphrey or something?”
“Well, it’s not,” He snorts. “It’s not.”
~TVoD
Posted in Friday Night Lights on October 24th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Notoriously heroic Secret Service agent spotted at local high school football practice
DILLON, TX - Former Special Agent Aaron Pierce, an indispensable asset to the presidencies of David Palmer, John Keeler, and Charles Logan, is now believed to be working undercover as a local policeman in the small town of Dillon, Texas. Pierce was last reported to be living with former First Lady Martha Logan at her bungalow in California.
“He appears to be posing both as a law enforcement officer and also as the father of one of the high school football players,” says Shirley Harman, a local news reporter. “He highly resembles the boy, and so far it seems to be a good fit.”
No word yet on the outcome of the relationship with the emotionally imbalanced former First Lady, thought it can be reasonably assumed that it ended in tragedy, or, at the very least, multiple stab wounds.
Pierce’s appearance has led some to believe that Dillon may be in some sort of potential danger, though experts close to the situation have suggested that his presence is merely a precaution.
“I don’t foresee any major problems or catastrophes taking place in Dillon,” says police chief Bob Fuchs. “We’re a quiet little town. Hardly anything ever happens here - in fact, we have one of the lowest murder rates in all of Texas. All Pierce needs to do is keep an eye on his boy and do his job, that’s all we ask.”
“However, should the need arise to evacuate the townspeople or thwart an assassination attempt or covertly bring down a treasonous President from the inside, we know we’ll be covered.”
~TVoD
Posted in 24, Friday Night Lights on October 17th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Popular chick flick linked to an increase in homicide rates
FAYETTEVILLE, AR - Sociologists at the University of Arkansas released a stunning report last Friday detailing the surprising and horrifying impact of the 1991 film Fried Green Tomatoes upon the human subconscious. A study conducted last July shows that 50% of people who view the touching tale of love, loss, and redemption suddenly become maniacally violent and display aspects of homicidal rage for up to thirty minutes after the initial viewing.
“These are troubling figures,” says Dr. Roy Fossett. “We haven’t seen this kind of carnage since the Driving Miss Daisy Bloodbath of ‘89.”
One such example of this increasingly disturbing trend is the murder of an as-of-yet-unidentified man outside a grocery store in Dillon, Texas. All signs are pointing to two young teenagers who are believed to have been watching the heartwarming story featuring the triumph of the human spirit about twenty minutes before the murder.
“My guess is these two sick kids were so enraged by the loving friendship between Idgie and Ruth that they had no choice but to go out and beat an unarmed man to death with a lead pipe and dispose of the body in a river,” states Dillon Police Chief Bob Fuchs. “It’s just that inspiring.”
The CDC is pushing for a warning label to be placed on all copies of the offending movie, as well as a toll free number for viewers to call should they begin to feel the bloodlust rising.
~TVoD
Posted in Friday Night Lights on October 11th, 2007 | | 0 Comments