Quota reached

The word “fierce,” (adj. 1. of a violently cruel nature; savage; wild) was retired from the English language last night after Christian Siriano, winner of Project Runway 4, used it approximately 6,284 times, thereby exceeding the limit and prompting its retraction.

“Our studies show that ‘fierce’ has been spoken with more frequency than perennial favorites ‘a’, ‘the’, and ‘fabulous,’” says Noah Webster, of dictionary fame. “With 70% of such utterances verbalized by Siriano and Tyra Banks alone.”

Many object to the ruling, believing that the word has not been given an ample chance to express its true meaning.

“Let’s face it: I’M fierce,” says dominant male lion Duke, of the San Diego Zoo. “I’ve escaped three times, killed five men with my bare paws, and eviscerated a small child.”

“If that’s not fierce, I don’t know what is,” he adds. “Silken ruffles, my ass.”

~TVoD

Posted in Project Runway on March 6th, 2008 | | 0 Comments

Labyrinthine show finally clarifies a single storyline

Viewers of the popular television show Lost were shocked after last week’s episode, wherein a major part of the plot was clearly and explicitly explained in a way that anyone could understand, even fair-weather fans have who have never played the online Lost alternate reality game or spent countless hours deciphering jumbled audio tracks.

“I watch Lost every week, and I always thought there might be some sort of time-travel thing going on,” says loyal viewer Dan Brenner. “But I never thought they’d just come right out and admit to it like that, let alone explain it thoroughly, complete with lab-rat-in-a-maze examples.”

Lost is known for its convoluted plotlines, obscure references, and ability to leave entire audiences scratching their heads, sometimes for years at a time.

“Remember that four-toed statue thing?” Brenner continues. “What the hell was that all about?”

This groundbreaking development has led many to speculate that Lost will begin to clear up other mysterious elements, though others believe that such a frank explanation is a one-time-deal.

“They’re never going to resolve that smoke monster,” says Brenner. “Ben doesn’t even know what it is.”

Despite such frustration, Brenner claims to remain firmly committed to the show. “I’ve briefly considered going back to school and getting my Ph.D., if only to decipher the various philosophical implications of the island,” he says. “I can’t just rely on the message boards and Wikipedia nerds forever.”

~TVoD

Posted in Lost on March 5th, 2008 | | 1 Comments