Head keeper let go after boisterous host’s harrowing escape
Mitch Darrow, chief officer in charge of the restraint and containment of Tyra Banks, was terminated last week after the crazed reality show host broke free from her cage and commenced a deadly roam across the American countryside.
“There was very little that I or any other mortal could have done to stop her,” Darrow claims.
It has been reported that Banks was able to gnaw through the titanium alloy enclosure, decapitate several armed guards, and steal a prom dress and a tiara all within the space of twenty-four hours. She then ran amok down the streets of Los Angeles, terrorizing citizens while at the same time delighting tourists.
“She’s so awesome!” exclaimed fifteen-year-old Jennie Powell of Cleveland, Ohio as Banks devoured a power line. “I want to be just like her!”
Darrow alleges that Banks escaped with the intention of hosting the season premiere of Cycle 10 of America’s Next Top Model. Despite Darrow’s heroic attempts to bring down the feral creature with a tranquilizer cannon, National Guard authorities claim that such a responsibility can no longer be entrusted to a mere civilian.
“I spent the better part of my career trying to tame that beast,” Darrow sighs. “And what do I have to show for it? Thirty-seven stitches and a curling iron to the eye. It’s time to move on with my life,” he mutters, adding, “Lohan out of rehab yet?”
~TVoD
Posted in America's Next Top Model on February 26th, 2008 | |