AETP outraged at usage of human hair
Human rights organization AETP took to the streets today after last night’s controversial Project Runway airing. The episode, part one of the two-part season finale, featured flamboyant designer Chris March showcasing his collection, which included several pieces utilizing human hair as trim.
“This is unacceptable,” stated Sparky Tubbington, AETP’s spokespug. “Humans are friendly, loving, innocent creatures who don’t deserve this kind of sick abuse.”
AETP has officially vowed to boycott Project Runway and the entire Bravo network until it issues a formal apology.
“By allowing Chris March to express himself creatively, Bravo and Project Runway are condoning these deplorable practices,” claims Sparky. “We need to speak up for the humans who can’t speak for themselves.” Sparky then declined further comment by licking his testicles.
AETP picketed in various locations around New York City, most notably outside the Parsons School of Design and throughout the Fashion District. Protesters carried signs and chanted slogans all day long, except for a period of about twenty minutes wherein the group collectively chased a squirrel down the street. They vow to continue the campaign again tomorrow after a brisk walk and a healthy poop.
~TVoD
Posted in Project Runway on February 28th, 2008 | | 0 Comments
Rival tribe just too creepy
A visibly frustrated Mark Burnett lamented the challenge of painting the “Fans” tribe of this year’s Survivor season in favorable light last week after more douchebaggery abounded amongst the squabbling contestants.
“They’re just really annoying,” Burnett whines. “And ugly,” he shudders. “So very, very ugly.”
The reality pioneer was angered further when the Airai tribe won immunity this week, as this meant that none of the hideous members would be forced to leave.
“Dammit!” he cried when hearing of the results. “Couldn’t Probst have thrown a coconut at one of them? ‘Accidentally’ tear an ACL or two?”
The Airai tribe is made of ardent enthusiasts of the show, proving the theory that true Survivor fanatics really are as troll-like as most people imagine.
“I thought this might be a fun idea,” Burnett says, rubbing his eyes. “But for once, I guess I was wrong.”
“Oh, well,” he adds, driving away in a cement truck full of money, “They can’t all be winners.”
~TVoD
Posted in Survivor on February 26th, 2008 | | 0 Comments
Head keeper let go after boisterous host’s harrowing escape
Mitch Darrow, chief officer in charge of the restraint and containment of Tyra Banks, was terminated last week after the crazed reality show host broke free from her cage and commenced a deadly roam across the American countryside.
“There was very little that I or any other mortal could have done to stop her,” Darrow claims.
It has been reported that Banks was able to gnaw through the titanium alloy enclosure, decapitate several armed guards, and steal a prom dress and a tiara all within the space of twenty-four hours. She then ran amok down the streets of Los Angeles, terrorizing citizens while at the same time delighting tourists.
“She’s so awesome!” exclaimed fifteen-year-old Jennie Powell of Cleveland, Ohio as Banks devoured a power line. “I want to be just like her!”
Darrow alleges that Banks escaped with the intention of hosting the season premiere of Cycle 10 of America’s Next Top Model. Despite Darrow’s heroic attempts to bring down the feral creature with a tranquilizer cannon, National Guard authorities claim that such a responsibility can no longer be entrusted to a mere civilian.
“I spent the better part of my career trying to tame that beast,” Darrow sighs. “And what do I have to show for it? Thirty-seven stitches and a curling iron to the eye. It’s time to move on with my life,” he mutters, adding, “Lohan out of rehab yet?”
~TVoD
Posted in America's Next Top Model on February 26th, 2008 | | 0 Comments