Was, ironically, really craving a hot dog

Playboy founder and media mogul Hugh Heftner was deeply hurt by Celebrity Apprentice candidate Tiffany Fallon’s failure to call him in her time of need. While other celebrities contacted their richest acquaintances to donate money for charity in the guise of purchasing hot dogs, Tiffany neglected to get Hefner on the horn.

“I’m a delight!” he claims. “Why didn’t she call?”

Tiffany insisted that she had every intention of calling upon Hefner to help, but that she wanted to save that call for later on in the game.

“Oh, bullshit,” he says. “She thinks I’m old and crusty. Is that it? It’s this robe I never take off, isn’t it? What does this stain look like to you?”

Tiffany has publicly apologized to Hefner, but he refuses to accept, saying that he no longer considers her a friend.

“I thought that the naked women I pay to take their clothes off and pose nude for nationwide publications liked me for me. But I guess not,” he sobs. “That harlot! She’ll never work in this town again!”

“I really wanted a hot dog, too,” he hiccups.

~TVoD

Posted in Celebrity Apprentice on January 8th, 2008 | | 0 Comments

Geezer succeeds in playing gadget game, looking foolish

Donald, a 69-year-old contestant on The Amazing Race, took part in a Japanese challenge this week that required the ability to manipulate various technological items. After countless hours of instruction and training, Donald succeeded in locating the power button.

“It was so dang small,” he claims. “How’s anyone supposed to find that thing?”

The challenge called for racers to use a cell phone to control a soccer-playing robot. Each team member needed to score a goal in order to advance in the race.

“I pushed the doohickey that made him walk, then hit the kicking thingamabob, but the darn thing just wouldn’t work!” he cries, spittle flying everywhere. “Back in my day, we kicked our own balls, thank you very much!”

Several days later, Donald completed the task. He was immediately rushed to a nearby hospital, requiring oxygen and an IV drip.

“I didn’t expect it to be so hard,” he gasps. “I thought I had a handle on the gizmos of today. I have an internet. I play Myspace. I look at the Google. I know what I’m doing! Watch, I can call the nurse with this button.”

“Consarn it!” he cries as the Craftmatic adjustable bed whirs out of control. “Nicolas, stop this crazy thing!”

~TVoD

Posted in Amazing Race on January 8th, 2008 | | 0 Comments