Marketability of lovable curmudgeons discovered on Grey’s Anatomy
LONG ISLAND, NY - A typical Saturday morning at Shady Pines Retirement Home usually consists of long naps and quiet walks in the yard, the serenity punctuated only by the occasional shout of “Bingo!” echoing from within the prison-like walls. Not so this weekend, as lines wound out the door and around the block, packed with eager Christmas shoppers hoping to get their hands on a Really Old Guy.
“I saw one on Grey’s Anatomy the other night, and immediately knew I just had to get one for my daughter!” exclaimed local homemaker Shelly Patterson. “He was so surly and crotchety, yet the laughs kept on coming! He would be a wonderful addition to any home.”
Employees at Shady Pines say that the home is normally a ghost town, but this weekend’s attendance figures have been nothing short of astounding. Over two hundred enthusiastic bargain-hunters clogged the halls, cafeteria, and even the arts and crafts room, hoping to nab a cantankerous old coot. Shoppers employed a variety of methods to secure their purchases, including the distribution of Werther’s Original Butterscotch Candies, guarantees of unlimited The Price Is Right viewings, and (false) promises of immortality.
“We’re not going to let this little treasure get away!” states area insurance agent Frank Cameron, toting away a hissing Really Old Guy in an animal crate. “He hopped in as soon as I told him all about the deluxe shuffleboard court in my backyard!” He pats the case. “Lies,” he whispers with a wink.
Eagle-eyed entrepreneurs have already begun to take advantage of this red-hot trend - online. Geriatric retail websites are popping up all over the internet, some even offering customized items. For an additional fee, your very own Really Old Guy can arrive in 48 hours or less, complete with your choice of a mobility scooter, colostomy bag, or Extra Crankiness.
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 13th, 2007 | |