Claims this week’s flying sequence “sucks big fat monkey balls”
METROPOLIS - In a shocking press release issued this morning, Superman plans to sue the producers of Heroes for defamation. The Man of Steel alleges that a scene depicted in the popular television show portrayed the act of flying as “schmaltzy and lame”.
“Is this what’s supposed to pass as superhero flight these days?” he asks. “Those fucking teenagers are tearing through the atmosphere without a hint of grace, style, or sophistication. You never saw me up there with a hideous doe-eyed grin on my face, like it’s a ride at Disneyland or something. Fighting crime is hard work, and these pansies are making it look like it’s a goddamned romp in the backseat. It’s disgusting.”
Superman further alleges that West, the soaring juvenile in question, is not even remotely qualified to be considered a “hero”.
“That tool,” Superman spits. “I’ve seen mightier protagonists come out of my ass.” Superman is also gearing up for a potential copyright infringement suit, adding, “If I ever hear him say anything like ‘Up, up, and away!’ - I’m coming after him with a crowbar.”
Neither West nor Claire, his female counterpart, were available for comment. However, Superman does have a word of advice for the regenerative starlet.
“If I were her, I’d hack off that parasite and grow a new boyfriend. There’s no reason a nice girl like her has to pal around with such an obvious dick-for-brains.”
Reports of Superman joining up with Neo of The Matrix fame to file a dual suit are as of yet unconfirmed, though it has been reported that Underdog has expressed interest in the case.
~TVoD
Posted in Heroes on October 8th, 2007 | |