Cremated remains are a constant source of entertainment
Dr. Meredith Grey brought a Ziplock bag full of her dead mother to work the other day, and her fellow colleagues couldn’t have been more pleased.
“Thank God,” said Dr. Miranda Bailey. “I couldn’t take one more moment of that girl’s constant whining and wincing. Luckily, that bag showed up, and the hospital was simply transformed by its delightful antics.”
The seemingly drab pile of ashes were a hot-button topic throughout various departments of the hospital. Dr. Derek Shepherd was lucky enough to encounter the remains in the hallway.
“When I saw Meredith coming towards me, I was just about to turn and run in the opposite direction,” he says. “But then I noticed that she had something in her hand, which she subsequently dropped all over the floor. As I helped her pick it up, I realized how quirky and wonderful it was that Mrs. Grey was able to make it back into work, after all these years. And her sense of humor hasn’t changed a bit. Playfully throwing herself all over the ground like that - simply charming.”
“Meredith was, of course, shitting all over our special moment together, what with her talking and all that squinting,” he says bitterly. “But it’s still something I’ll never forget.”
Meredith was pleased with the reception her deceased mother received, so much so that she is considering bringing her stepmother’s embalmed corpse to work next week, despite the fact that it might considerably upset her half-sister, Lexy.
~TVoD
Posted in Grey's Anatomy on October 31st, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Survivor episode masterfully inserts commercials into show without detection
On a recent episode of Survivor, certain products were embedded into the episode so seamlessly that even the most eagle-eyed of viewers could not spot them.
“I know how Survivor sometimes comes off as a little heavy-handed in terms of placing blatant commercials into the show,” says television critic Anne Stikton. “But I wasn’t able to catch a single reference to any American products this episode. Well done, CBS.”
The reward challenge winners earned a free trip to an ancient, hidden Chinese spa known for thousands of years as the Charmin Teahouse. While there, they were lavished with luxurious, native Chinese products, such as Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper and Crest toothpaste.
“I really appreciated the efforts of the natives to introduce us to their culture,” says Todd, a member of Fei Long, the winning tribe. “The way they stacked the rolls of toilet paper in a pyramid-shaped display that is both pleasing to the eye and popular among retail marketers - it’s amazing to witness a cultural tradition like that, one that’s been passed down from generation to generation.”
He wipes a tear away with a square of Ultra Strong and smiles, his teeth glistening with a sheen that only Crest can provide. “It was beautiful.”
~TVoD
Posted in Survivor on October 31st, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Pushing Daisies scene results in mass wincing
This week on Pushing Daisies, a small crop-duster flew into the side of a six-story apartment building. The sight of these shocking images, quite reminiscent of those resulting from the terrorist attack on September 11th, 2001, caused many Americans to recoil in one giant collective cringe.
“Dude,” says area construction worker Dale Harrison, “Not cool.”
The situation worsened as the episode progressed, with the discovery that the plane had actually been hijacked, and then flown into the building. Though the incident was clearly portrayed on a much smaller scale and there were no fatalities, it still struck a chord with the a nation that possesses an apparently elephant-like memory.
“We had thought that the sight of an aircraft slamming right through the window of a high-rise would be really entertaining,” says Pushing Daisies producer Angela Scott. “I guess we sort of forgot about the whole death-of-3000-Americans thing. Nasty business, that.”
Marianne Twomey, who works in downtown Manhattan and witnessed the 9/11 attacks firsthand, has mixed feelings about the episode. “On the one hand, I do enjoy the colorful characters and whimsical nature of the show. The context in which the plane crashed turned out to be quite a charming story about redemption and the healing power of love,” she says. “But on the other hand, I guess I’m just not ready for the horrific death of over a dozen friends to be immortalized in a weekly comedic television series. Call me old-fashioned.”
Producers have since scrapped plans for an upcoming episode in which Ned revives victims of a nightclub fire while he and Chuck swap witty quips about faulty pyrotechnics.
~TVoD
Posted in Pushing Daisies on October 31st, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Child Welfare investigating gay couple’s involvement
The New York State Office of Children and Family Services has been alerted to a rather troubling situation. Molly Walker, an orphaned child originally from Los Angeles, California, has been living with strangers ever since the death of her parents, in what police are assuming to be a hostage situation.
“This is a kidnapping, plain and simple,” states Officer Hugh Williams. “We don’t know what these two yahoos are playing at, but they clearly took the girl without any regard for state law or standard adoption procedures.”
The men have been identified as Dr. Mohinder Suresh, a genetics professor originally from India, and Matt Parkman, who is, ironically, an NYPD detective. According to authorities, Molly is in no small amount of danger.
“It’s been reported that Molly lost consciousness a few days ago. We believe that one or both of her captors are directly responsible for this, and we’re doing everything within our power to rescue the child.”
Neighbors describe the suspects as quiet and private. “They keep to themselves, mostly.” retired fisherman Abraham Patterson states. “I met one of them once. The fellow with the crazy hair. He seemed like quite the fruitcake! They’re both gayer than a maypole, in my opinion. And every night I hear that poor girl screaming. God only knows what they’re doing to her.”
The Office of Children and Family Services admits that they “really dropped the ball on this one” and promise to “tell Gladys to make some more copies of those adoption forms, pronto.”
~TVoD
Posted in Heroes on October 25th, 2007 | | 1 Comments
Prison Break episode marks chaotic device’s final conquest
EMPs, or electromagnetic pulses, have infiltrated the plot of every show on television. With Michael Scofield’s construction of an EMP out of a microwave, aluminum foil, and a handful of shoelaces, the popular weapon has resurfaced yet again in a move that surprises no one.
“You can’t escape EMPs” says electromagnetic bomb enthusiast Mark Flanagan. “They’re devious, they’re exciting, and their effects are cheap to produce. Most of your standard Hollywood action scenes require planning, money, and a hell of a lot of explosives. With an EMP bomb, all you gotta do is get some intern to flick the lights on and off.”
Other notable appearances by the EMP include Season 4 of 24 and Season 1 of Jericho. It was also used as a key element in the movie Ocean’s Eleven, wherein it knocked the power out of a casino and allowed the thieves to proceed with their robbery. While the popular film is not yet a television show, Flanagan seems to think that the EMP could catapult the heist caper onto the small screen.
“That Don Cheadle is hilarious,” he says.
Due to the apparently simple construction of an EMP, viewers can expect them to pop up on more television shows in the future. Last week a rogue audience member hastily constructed an EMP bomb out of empty lipstick canisters and leftover Botox on the set of The View in order to blow out the ladies’ microphones and “silence their infernal prattling”. The relative ease with which this was accomplished proves that anything is possible.
~TVoD
Posted in Prison Break on October 24th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
Friday Night Lights appearance
delights the Savior
Jesus, son of God, was pleasantly surprised by this past week’s episode of Friday Night Lights, in which His name was not only mentioned several times, but a large congregation of devout followers were seen worshiping Him in a large church.
“This is friggin’ huge,” Christ says. “It’s like I’m famous.”
The episode featured a recently-baptized Lyla Garrity opening up the heart of a skeptical Tim Riggins to Christ’s love. Jesus says he is “totally beyond ecstatic” to get this kind of exposure, and looks forward to appearances on more of His favorite programs, including 24, Mythbusters, and The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Jesus claims that a positive portrayal of Christianity is something that is the majority of American popular culture lacks.
“Usually I’m only mentioned in a passing reference, if that,” Christ says. “More often than not my name is used in vain. Occasionally people even add H as a middle initial. Where did that come from? Do people think it’s Herbert or Humphrey or something?”
“Well, it’s not,” He snorts. “It’s not.”
~TVoD
Posted in Friday Night Lights on October 24th, 2007 | | 0 Comments
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